A new normal . . . or a tribute to Dottie or an overwhelming experience at SCU
When I first was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was told I would have to find a new normal. I had no idea what that meant. I was too concerned that I was going to be gone sooner than the next guy. I was so afraid. As I started to learn to live with the diagnosis, my general doc, Chris Adams, told me that you just learn to live with cancer rather than ever getting rid of it. I didn’t want to learn that. I still don’t really want to learn that. As I watch friends go through cancer scares or, worse, having to deal with it as it resurfaces, it reminds me that, oh yah, there is not a cure for cancer. One just hopes to delay its return for a very, very long time. One learns to live with that and after all the chemo (which, in case I never mentioned this, chemo really, really sucked) and all of the five-year medication program (which really messes with your joints), one finds a new normal. The lesson in that, though, is not really all that. The lesson in that is once you find the new normal, you get to find a new normal in lots of other aspects of your life. Some of those new normals are kind of cool. For example, I just got a note reminding me that I need to make an appointment for my annual mamogram. Screw that. I have no more breasts and the fact that I don’t have to worry about this for the first time in three years feels like a good new normal. But I got off on a cancer jag. I was really talking about new normals.
Dottie Watson otherwise known as Dorothy Q Watsonette or Dotster or a number of other nicknames such as my own personal Cancer bully, has retired today after some 28 years with the National Education Association family. I knew it was coming. Heck, we walked together for a zillion years. She has only been counting down the days since 100 and the years since five, but still, I have been in a serious case of denial. Why? Well, we are confidantes. We share a lot since we travel in different social circles. I know her friends and she knows mine and though we have both met one another’s dear friends, we know everything about them as we’ve shared lots of stories. I know when Dottie surprised her friend in New Mexico since the friend’s sister was a *&^ for not attending her niece’s wedding and Dottie knows . . .hey I am not going to tell you what Dottie knows. We are exercise pals as well. Though it is lovely to walk with everyone, every once in a while you meet a person who paces the same. I had that with Tzachi in lakes while we swam. We swam long and slowly, but we swam at the same pace. I am losing my exercise pal and that is not a pretty picture. I am losing someone with a very practical and optimistic spirit. Sure, Dottie is not leaving the state. She’ll even be around WEA from time to time helping. But it will never be the same and while I am happy for her, I grieve for all the rest of us as each person at WEA feels connected to Dottie because, that is just the kind of person she is. I just ended that sentence with a preposition. She would not approve. I hope she is not reading this. In any event, after working together for some 18 years or so, while I am thrilled for her, my new normal is going to take a while to fill. I am lucky to have very good friends at WEA who are also grieving so we will find our new normal together. Phew. I toast you Dottie Watson. I will support you and think of you as the anniversary of Bob’s passing comes and goes. I will look forward to hearing of your adventures and Linda and I will take you to see any art any time day or night as long as you drink some wine first. Okay, I could wax on and on about this one. Instead, I am moving on to Santa Clara University as that, too, will create a “new normal” around here. There is a theme to my rambling.
SCU — OMG. It is AMAZINGLY beautiful on that campus. Marty and Max and I were all three overwhelmed with the beauty of the campus. We just got back from a two-day freshmen orientation. It’s a kibbutz there which is ironic as it is a Jesuit campus. One big dining hall (though lots of little satellites as well). Spanish-style architecture, red-tiled roofs, roses and wisteria trees in bloom everywhere surrounded by majestic palm trees. What were Bernie and I thinking when we attended schools in Ohio and Illinois? Okay, they were good colleges but the weather sucked. Jaron Berliner says a kid should attend a school that is sunny. Duh. Max has that part right. Maybe it pays to be a second generation American after all. We were all impressed by the values, the curriculum, the residential learning communities, etc. Max is in Communitas. The theme is leadership, citizenship, community. He is receiving phenomenal evaluations as a camp counselor so it seems like they placed him in the right community. His dorm is called Campizi (camp easy?). I have no idea how it is spelled. He is registered for poetry, psychology, math that is easier than what he’s been taking — good move — and a class in humanities — part of the core curriculum. We had a very lovely experience there and while I do not miss Max now as it is normal that both he and Adam are at camp this time of year, I know that I will have to find a new normal with three of us at home instead of four. So, there you are. I am not going to tell you about graduation or about Adam’s show or about the fact that I am not yet excited about going on a cruise on the East Coast with college friends but it has been nice to be in touch with the college friends as we send our first off to college this fall. It is very grounding to spend time with Ronda here in Washington and to spoil her son just because it’s fun. It is nice to know I am going to connect (Adam says I have to stop saying “hook up” forever) with Elyssa and Linda and Chris and Mahrg … it’ll be great. . . just not yet. I am trying to deal with lots of new normals. Finally, a woman I worked with for a few years, Julie was her name, recently died in a bus accident in Central America. It was a freak accident. A bus lost its brakes. Ten people aboard died. She was one of them. She was just 34. The thing is, she was with her boyfriend and she was happy and she was on an adventure she loved. She will never have to deal with finding a new normal. Her family will have to grieve and find their new normal. It kind of makes one appreciate new normals as not finding them is dying, right? I am honored to be living each day. Plus, I love the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
My dearest Edna,
I saw the link on your FB post to the journey of taking Max to SCU. I started reading it this morning, but surrendered the computer to my dad. I am in Anchorage now for a couple weeks … So I just now finished it, and when I got to the part about Mass, I called Mom into the room and I read that part out loud to her. We both laughed and talked about why a Jewish kid chose a Jesuit college. She was outwardly pleased to learn that my best pal at work, who happens to be Jewish, would encourage her son to attend a Jesuit college… Mom’s a good Catholic, as you know, and her cousin was Father Bede Erndsorff, a teacher at St. Martin’s in Lacey. Father Bede baptized each of us Moss kids way back when. So, I continued reading the rest of your journey to SCU out loud to Mom. We enjoyed it. Then I scrolled down and saw the previous entry with my name in the subject. I said, “yikes, what’s this?” I had not been on your blog for a very long time. I read that entry out loud to Mom as well. We both welled up. You know that I, too, am learning a new normal. Retirement will not really set in until this winter when it’s dark and cold outside and I am alone at home… Time will tell how it hits me…. but know that I think of you every day, and I have followed the WEASO negotiations online, and learned you have a TA to be voted on in a few days — yay — so there will also be a new normal at the WEA office… My battery is low, so I must go for now… But one postscript for you: You may end a sentence with a preposition any time you like, and I will not be bothered by it. Love you!
Dottie, Dorothy Q, Dotster, et al…