“Don’t get a dog off Craig’s List,” we were told. It is obvious why we should not have done that, but we were doing all the right other things. We were being approved left and right to adopt a dog from several rescue agencies. We would visit the doggy pound regularly, but when I saw a possible dog, by the time I could figure a way to get Adam back to look, the dog would be gone.

So, in my search, I kept an eye on Craig’s List as well. One day I saw a picture of a dog named Marley. The dog’s photo called out to me more than any other I had seen. I am not sure why. We had a long list of what we wanted:

Hair, not fur; Bark okay but yappy, no; Not tiny, but not big; Crate trained; A dog that would not bolt when front door of the house opened; blah, blah, blah. When I wrote to the people on Craig’s list to inquire about said dog, Marley, the e-mail bounced back. It bounced bag again and again. I realized that the dog was already gone. Still, there was something about that photo…

I put an ad on Craig’s List that said, “Looking for Marley,” and explained that our nearly fourteen-year-old wanted a dog more than anything else for his 14th birthday. I explained that we needed a good doggy because we had no idea what we were doing as the last dog in my life was Tippy, a Manchester, rat terrier/chihuahua mutt we’d had as kids who my mom had to take to the vet in the end of her life (not my mom’s — the dog, Tippy). 

Max, Adam and I had been on a very, very long campaign to get Marty to okay a dog. Marty was worried he would be stuck with all doggy duties and nixed the idea through the years simply by saying we could get a dog, but that he would move out. He now says he meant he would move his office out but we three know he said HE would move out for if he didn’t say that, we’d have gotten the dog a million years ago. Choosing between dog and dad, the boys always chose dad. Having had to choose between dog and dad keeping his office at home, all three of us would have opted for dog as we never cared if his office was at home or not at home. In any event, I digressed. Marty had other reasons wh we ought not have a dog…we’d be tied to coming home and lose all spontaneity; dogs sometimes get sick and throw up all over the house; dogs are a hassle; dogs smell bad; dogs tie you down. Additionally, Marty’s strong argument against was that the boys would not care for the dog and it would be up to us. I bought in to that argument as we babysat dogs a lot through the years and, while the boys loved having them around, it was harder for them to do all the duties that go with doggies.

Adam persisted. He was relentless. To top it off, he was having a rough year in school last year. He needed a friend. My mom said he needed a friend. At one point, Marty asked me if I wanted a dog when I was going through chemo. I believe my nasty response was something like, “I do NOT want a sympathy dog!!!!” Truth is, Marty’s arguments were all valid. I agreed with most of them. What changed my mind was this:  Adam was angling for ANY pet. He didn’t care what kind but he was INSISTING we ought to get some pet for his 14th and he said he’d help take care of it. So, we were going to get something that would tie us down, force us to be less spontaneous, smell up the house, etc., etc., anyway. I had no desire for a caged hamster, gerbil, rabbit or some other furry rodent kind of thing. Turtle? No cuddles and I wasn’t seeing where the Schencks got a log of pleasure out of their turtle thought they did love him. Reptiles? No. Bunny? Not really. In the end, if we were going to commit to some kind of living pet, it may as well be a pet I would like too since I would be pet partner. Max was departing for college the following year so he was not going to “buy in” so much. This was going to be Adam’s adventure. I would be partner and Marty was not happy but he was NOT going to move out when it was all said and done — at least we hoped so. Seriously, he said it would probably be okay though he would have nothing to do with doggy duties.

So, we went to visit this Craig’s List dog. A Mennonite family had rescued this dog from the original owner. Our dog was kept in a crate the vast majority of every day with his mommy dog. Did I mention the dogs were kept together in a cat crate? All the time?I mean, all the time. The original owner kept the dogs in the crate because she was a victim of domestic violence and, I suppose (I am making this part up now) I suppose they were crated to keep them out of the way of the domestic violator. Keeping them in the crate all the time probably protected them from the person who was beating the woman up. In any event, the dog was crate trained.

Okay, so Adam and I show up in Chehalis and everyone who is a dog person tells us to make sure we check to make sure that we check his teeth and his legs and to make sure this and that and we tried to do all of that, but, of course, we had no idea what we were doing. The lovely Mennonite girls who rescued this dog assured us that he was a great dog. They had three of their own which is why they could not keep him. They were two of six children in this family and everyone in the family assured us that this would be a good dog. The dog was very connected to these two girls. His back side was bare. His left side was kind of barish too. Fleas? Allergies? It was pretty ugly. His face was so cute. He would not connect with us at all. I bent down to pick him up and he nipped me. It was the only time I have ever ever seen that dog nip anyone. Obviously, I approached him wrong. We took him for a walk. He didn’t want to go. He didn’t know us. We let him off leash and he bolted right back to the house and wouldn’t allow us to get him even with the leash on. We were nervous. We had no idea why we wanted this dog. Everything pointed to us not taking him. However, we packed him up in the crate — the tiny cat crate and put him in our car. We said we’d keep him for the weekend with the agreement that we could return him to them if it didn’t work out. He would not come out of his crate in the car on the way home. He threw up in his crate. He would STILL not come out of his crate. It was pathetic. He was so sad. I dropped Adam off at school and assured him I would get the dog out of the crate, and away from the vomit. I brought him home. I had to take the crate apart (and throw it away, thank you very much) to get him out. I washed the sheet — the only thing he had left of his original home — and took him for a long walk. Along the way, I picked him up about six zillion times. I told him that nipping would not be acceptable and picked him up repeatedly the same way I did back there in Chehalis. He was sad. I took him to Adam’s school to pick up Adam at the end of the day and allowed a zillion kids to surround him even though he was nervous. We did nit while he was in my arms and he nipped no one. I can’t believe I even trusted him that first day. I could go on and on with tiny details of that first day, first week, first month, first months but why bother? 

The happy ending is that even though everything Marty said was true in terms of the negatives about having a dog — even though many of those points have, indeed, gotten in our way, they are outweighed by the simply joy of having Kramer in our lives. We dumped the name Marley and we all started his life with him again. We discovered he had a tail which he holds very high as he prances down the street. He barked but only after six months of quiet. He is not yappy, but he did begin barking after several months of living with us. More than anything else, he became a family member. Marty will still tell you that he would rather not have a dog. There are moments where I wish we didn’t have to deal with a dog, but I would never NOT want Kramer in our lives. He is so loving and joyful and energetic. He is not the smartest dog ever, but he is a dog who senses feelings and acts accordingly. He was so mellow with me when I had surgery last March. He listens to Adam if he’s needing someone to talk with…he cuddles with Marty when he is reading and “helps” him when he is doing yoga.

I would be lying if I said that I am glad we got Kramer for Adam. I AM glad we got Kramer for Adam, but really, I am glad we got a dog. All of us — all of us, have benefited from Kramer’s arrival. All of us smile more. Some of us find ourselves on all fours on the floor…that can only be good. Adam is outdoors a lot more than before for walks. He was mad the other day and he walked, with Kramer, from our house to Alki — nearly six miles. Adam would not have walked six miles across West Seattle on his own in January in shorts.I walked Kramer the day before in a 10K. I have been doing the 10K on New Year’s Eve for years, but it was more fun to do with Kramer and with Liza and Maddie and their dogs. We have all benefited in so many ways in just 365 days. Happy anniversary Kramer. I am so glad we met you and I am grateful you have added so much joy, love, laughter to our family. The vomit? The extra planning that comes with having you? It is far, far outweighed by the richness you have provided in our lives. Thanks. I wish you could understand anniversaries and marking time but since you can’t, we will give you an extra treat or two tonight.

Sarah and Mary in 13 discussing what it means to be a "good girl."

We are told 13: The Musical is a grown up show about growing up. After seeing last weekend’s Broadway Bound production at Seattle’s ACT Theatre, I believe the show has something for everyone. The big lessons of the show – be true to whom you really are and jerks will be jerks – are obvious but delivered in an honest, pithy, hilarious and often poignant manner by the teen-only cast.

Adam Westerman, who plays the lead role of Evan Goldman, is a natural on stage. He is extremely believable as he journeys from a boy who schemes to be popular to a young man who is just beginning to glean the wisdom that teen years deliver.

Elliott Moore plays the quirky character, Patrice. Moore has a voice that is wonderfully raw with emotion and she delivers a particularly heartfelt rendition of a song about friendship that reminds every one of us what it felt like to be deceived in junior high or middle school.

Michael Kaczkowski nails his bullying character, Brett, with gusto, humor and an honesty that actually makes us like the goofy guy even though he is leading all of his gang down the wrong path. Tyler Maez sensitively plays Archie, a character with a degenerative disease, and croons through his lines and songs flawlessly. The beautiful Sarah Torres, who plays Lucy, commands the stage and plays the evil character with great aplomb. Mary Armintrout, who plays the ditzy but growing up Kendra, understands the depth her character demands.

Other standouts include Evan Pruitt and Isaiah Conway, the two young men who play Brett’s goons, Eddie and Malcolm. The two epitomize middle school boys as they dance, sing and leap through their side-splitting lines. The ensemble in 13 is impeccable. They stay in character throughout the show and support the leads brilliantly. Perhaps it is because all of the teens in the show have had to live through some of the very experiences they are depicting on stage or perhaps it is because they had great direction from their director, choreographer and musical director, but whatever the reason, each character – even those with much smaller parts – helps create a sparkling tone. The closing number showcases the ensemble including three fabulous female singers. The band is terrific but, at times, too loud. The choreography is wonderful and depicts the movements of teenagers whether living in New York City or Appleton, Indiana. I recommend this show for every human being who has ever been or will someday be a teenager.

Before departing last night, I YouTubed a couple of songs to get in the mood. I got very excited because there is NOTHING like Rickie Lee Jones’ voice on this planet. I hoped it would be a good show but went in with no real expectations.

Her show was more than amazing. She did not disappoint in any way. She sang a whole bunch of songs from Pirates including We Belong Together, Living It Up, Pirates, Lucky Guy, Traces of the Western Slope. SHe played Gravity from the Magazine which I have always loved. She sang Horses from Flying Cowboy. That song has really evolved. It was beautiful. She opened with Weasel and the White Boys and one of my forever favorites, On Saturday Afternoons in 1963. When she sang that — lyrics here: The most as you’ll ever go
Is back where you used to know
If grown-ups could laugh this slow
Where as you watch the hour snow
Years may go by

So hold on to your special friend
Here, you’ll need something to keep her in :
“Now you stay inside this foolish grin … “
Though any day your secrets end
Then again
Years may go by

You saved your own special friend
‘Cuz here you need something to hide her in
And you stay inside that foolish grin
When everyday now secrets end
Oh and then again
Years may go by.

I looked at the intimate and totally enraptured audience and nearly everyone had tears in their eyes. It was a very beautiful shared moment. She sang other beautiful songs — a couple newer, an extremely beautiful version of The Autumn Leaves. Her band of three, including Reggie McBride, who is back in her band after all these years.

Her fans have watched her go from unknown to very famous with her first album. We watched her when she was full of vinegar and piss on stage (her words, not mine). She is still pretty particular but she has really mellowed out. She apologized to the audience for starting late but explained she didn’t want to start singing when people were still eating dinner. And she’s right. Who would EVER want to pollute her perfect pitch unique voice with a clank of a fork to a plate? Who would even CHEW anything while listening to her pristine poetic lyrics. The cellist reminded me of Big John Wallace who used to play for Harry Chapin. He was in perfect sync with her.
She told her musician what she wanted even in the middle of a song — she is still her Rickie Lee Jones self but she’s gone through life as we all have and taken her bumps and made her way. It was a joy to watch her and an incredible treat to her that voice which was still perfect. It was her birthday the day before — she is 57 now. She looks, well, she looks like she’s in her fifties and she is real and gritty and I would love to just hang out with her sometime even though she’d be kind of intimidating.

I encourage you to go see the people you loved and still love if they come through town. It is an extremely satisfying experience. It is very grounding. It reminds you that we are all going through this journey of life together.

Dear Friends and Family,

When I first tried to get people to see 13, it was because Adam was one of the lead characters and we wanted to fill the theater. Now that the ACT Theatre and Broadway Bound are bringing it back, I realize that this time, more than trying to fill the seats because the hardworking cast deserves a full house, really, this time it is that those in the audience deserve to see this show. Seriously, it is a very good show. See below and, for those who did not see last time, let me know and I will get you tickets. For those who saw, thanks for supporting these teens last time. You can stop reading. A friend who also has a kid in the show is sending the note, below, out. I like the note. Therefore, I am posting it as well.

If you didn’t see Adam and the Broadway Bound crew of teen actors in the musical 13 this past spring YOU ARE IN LUCK because the show is back by popular demand with a run of 11 shows in December, produced in association with ACT theatre.

The show was such a hit that ACT theatre has picked it up.  It is the same cast of talented kids, same director, choreographer and live band. To add to the excitement, the guy who wrote the songs and lyrics to 13, Jason Robert Brown (a rising star on Broadway and Tony award winner) is coming to Seattle to see the show and do a benefit concert after the Dec 8^th preview, and a talk back session after the Dec 9^th opening show. For more information about the concert and JRB click HERE.  13 opened on Broadway in 2008 and JRB is preparing to direct a London production of it in 2012.

I am shamelessly promoting this show, not because Adam is in it but because I think it is a really wonderful, well executed script with great songs and messages that had me laughing and crying at every show last spring.  I promise that any 11-17 year old in your life will LOVE this show, as well as anyone who has a teenager or who once was a teenager! It is rare to find a production that is so contemporary and real and non-sentimental – no princes or pirates here – just middle school geeks, jocks, losers and cheerleaders, who, as one song says, are “trying to follow and trying to lead.”  It is a moving theatre experience to watch a teenage cast play characters their own age.  Click here for a short promotional video and clips from the spring production to get a sense of the show. For still photos Click Here.

PLEASE – don’t miss this fabulous production of “13” and help us fill the houses!

The show times are:

Thur Dec 8: preview at 6 pm, JRB concert at 9 pm (you can purchase tickets to either or both)

Fri Dec 9:  7 pm (opening night with JRB talk back after)

Sat Dec 10: 2 pm and 7 pm

Sun Dec 11: noon and 5 pm

Fri Dec 16: 7 pm

Sat Dec 17: 2 pm and 7 pm

Sun Dec 18: noon and 5 pm

Tickets are $17.50 and can purchased HERE or at the box office or I can get them for you and mail them to your home.

Thanks for considering it. Let me know if you want me to get you tickets.

Dottie Watson otherwise known as Dorothy Q Watsonette or Dotster or a number of other nicknames such as my own personal Cancer bully, has retired today after some 28 years with the National Education Association family. I knew it was coming. Heck, we walked together for a zillion years. She has only been counting down the days since 100 and the years since five, but still, I have been in a serious case of denial. Why? Well, we are confidantes. We share a lot since we travel in different social circles. I know her friends and she knows mine and though we have both met one another’s dear friends, we know everything about them as we’ve shared lots of   stories. I know when Dottie surprised her friend in New Mexico since the friend’s sister was a *&^ for not attending her niece’s wedding and Dottie knows . . .hey I am not going to tell you what Dottie knows. We are exercise pals as well. Though it is lovely to walk with everyone, every once in a while you meet a person who paces the same. I had that with Tzachi in lakes while we swam. We swam long and slowly, but we swam at the same pace. I am losing my exercise pal and that is not a pretty picture. I am losing someone with a very practical and optimistic spirit. Sure, Dottie is not leaving the state. She’ll even be around WEA from time to time helping. But it will never be the same and while I am happy for her, I grieve for all the rest of us as each person at WEA feels connected to Dottie because, that is just the kind of person she is. I just ended that sentence with a preposition. She would not approve. I hope she is not reading this. In any event, after working together for some 18 years or so, while I am thrilled for her, my new normal is going to take a while to fill. I am lucky to have very good friends at WEA who are also grieving so we will find our new normal together. Phew. I toast you Dottie Watson. I will support you and think of you as the anniversary of Bob’s passing comes and goes. I will look forward to hearing of your adventures and Linda and I will take you to see any art any time day or night as long as you drink some wine first. Okay, I could wax on and on about this one. Instead, I am moving on to Santa Clara University as that, too, will create a “new normal” around here. There is a theme to my rambling.

SCU — OMG. It is AMAZINGLY beautiful on that campus. Marty and Max and I were all three overwhelmed with the beauty of the campus. We just got back from a two-day freshmen orientation. It’s a kibbutz there which is ironic as it is a Jesuit campus. One big dining hall (though lots of little satellites as well). Spanish-style architecture, red-tiled roofs, roses and wisteria trees in bloom everywhere surrounded by majestic palm trees. What were Bernie and I thinking when we attended schools in Ohio and Illinois? Okay, they were good colleges but the weather sucked. Jaron Berliner says a kid should attend a school that is sunny. Duh. Max has that part right. Maybe it pays to be a second generation American after all. We were all impressed by the values, the curriculum, the residential learning communities, etc. Max is in Communitas. The theme is leadership, citizenship, community. He is receiving phenomenal evaluations as a camp counselor so it seems like they placed him in the right community. His dorm is called Campizi (camp easy?). I have no idea how it is spelled. He is registered for poetry, psychology, math that is easier than what he’s been taking — good move — and a class in humanities — part of the core curriculum. We had a very lovely experience there and while I do not miss Max now as it is normal that both he and Adam are at camp this time of year, I know that I will have to find a new normal with three of us at home instead of four. So, there you are. I am not going to tell you about graduation or about Adam’s show or about the fact that I am not yet excited about going on a cruise on the East Coast with college friends but it has been nice to be in touch with the college friends as we send our first off to college this fall. It is very grounding to spend time with Ronda here in Washington and to spoil her son just because it’s fun. It is nice to know I am going to connect (Adam says I have to stop saying “hook up” forever) with Elyssa and Linda and Chris and Mahrg … it’ll be great. . . just not yet. I am trying to deal with lots of new normals. Finally, a woman I worked with for a few years, Julie was her name, recently died in a bus accident in Central America. It was a freak accident. A bus lost its brakes. Ten people aboard died. She was one of them. She was just 34. The thing is, she was with her boyfriend and she was happy and she was on an adventure she loved. She will never have to deal with finding a new normal. Her family will have to grieve and find their new normal. It kind of makes one appreciate new normals as not finding them is dying, right? I am honored to be living each day. Plus, I love the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.

Max and I toured Loyola New Orleans a few months ago. I want Max to love it and attend there because New Orleans is different from the entire rest of the nation and he will love living there. It is a place where he will experience a culture that is vastly different from Seattle. I also want him to like it because the university has a strong reputation for teaching the whole student. The Jesuits teach compassion and encourage the students to explore their spirituality as well and that makes people grow. I don’t want him to attend because it is far away and will take a day to get back and forth. I want him to attend because he will have friends there and a good support system. I don’t want him to attend because he will be one of the only Jewish kids on campus. I want him to attend because he will be one of the only Jewish kids on campus. I know that doesn’t make sense but it does to me. He will have to make an effort to find other Jewish kids if he wants that kind of interaction. Tulane is right next door. There are Jewish kids galore there.

Max will be touring Willamette on Friday. I want him to go there because it is easy and close. I don’t want him to go there because it is in the northwest and he has already lived here for nearly 18 years. It is the best of where he got in as far as academics, but, in the end, any of the schools are exactly what you make of them. I want him to go there because it is a beautiful campus. He will be close to Portland and family and friends and it’s very easy to jump home. I don’t want him to go there because I am told it is more conservative – way more so than CU or Loyola NOLA. I was told Loyola NOLA is full of liberals where Tulane was full of democrats.

Max got waitlisted at Santa Clara University. I want him to go there because, like Loyola NOLA, it is a Jesuit university which encourages a very well rounded exploration for students. Unlike Loyola NOLA, the environment is not in the center of one of the coolest cities in the country. The campus is beautiful. Way nicer than Loyola NOLA. But Loyola NOLA is next door to Tulane which has a beautiful campus where a guy can play ultimate Frisbee. He would have family and friends nearby if he attended, but it seems he is going to have that no matter what. Jewish issue? Same as Loyola but no Tulane next door. He had already ruled Santa Clara out. Should he rule them back in? The weather is great there. We have a friend who is enjoying his freshman year a lot. What Santa Clara does have that none of the others have is a quarter system – far superior to semesters as far as I am concerned.

Redlands? Out. Western Washington? Nope. He’ll visit but has no intention of attending and we’re fine with that. University of Montana? If only he loved colder weather and snow. He could get an amazing education there for next to nothing in terms of cost but it is not where he wants to be and we get that.

I want Max to make the decision that makes him happy. I want him to talk to Marla and Salvador tonight since they will have insights that both Marty and I do not have.Salvador attended Loyola NOLA and Marla went to a smaller university then a larger one. I want Max to go wherever he chooses to go with an open mind and an open heart. I want him to love college as much as I did. Marty did not like his college experience. He was very, very young when he attended. He never got the choices Max has or I had or my brother had. I want Max to walk across his campus and just be happy that he is there. I appreciated Northwestern every day. I am not kidding. I loved it on the most frigid days and I loved it even in the middle of finals because I just appreciated being there.

I believe my brother had the same experience at Oberlin. He enjoyed all of his time there and still has deep connections with friends he made there. I just want our son to enjoy his next few years and to grow and learn and experience the joy and fun of going to college. I want him to expand his mind and follow dreams – even if they are different dreams each day. I want him to learn about balance and I want him to meet lots of different kinds of people. I want him to travel if he chooses to do that – something both my brother and I should have done while we were in school but we didn’t since we had so many other travel opportunities.

It’s his decision in the end. But how does one guide a young man when there are so many open doors? Maybe I should just “get it” that, knowing Max, he’ll make any choice he makes be the “right” choice. He’ll make wherever he chooses his new home and he’ll embrace it and make it work for him. That’s the kind of guy he is so maybe I ought to just chill out. Sorry I rambled.

He is still deciding between Loyola New Orleans, University of Colorado, Willamette. He just found out he was wait-listed at Santa Clara but I think that’s out. But anything can happen. He and Marty travel to Boulder early next week then I will check out Willamette with him at the end of next week. Those visits will help him make a final decision. We are proud of him. I worry about these next several weeks. These are the weeks that keep parents awake on weekend nights. He has a good head on his shoulders but I still worry. I never thought I was a worrier. It turns out that these few weeks are making me worry. Hope he’s okay.

Meanwhile, on the Adam front, the show he is working on brings tears to my eyes. It’s a show about growing up and becoming a man. It’s a show about making mistakes and taking the high road. It’s a show about learning that sometimes life isn’t exactly what you expect. Yesterday, I met the mom of the girl who plays the opposite lead in the show. Her daughter and Adam sing two very beautiful songs together. As we met, she asked if I had listened to the songs. Yes. She said, “Can I ask you a question? Do you cry when you hear them?” Well, as a matter of fact, I can’t listen to them without crying. Marty tears up too. The songs are poignant and very sweet. The guy who wrote the music and lyrics for this show knew what he was doing. The show is not until June. The kids are working hard. I don’t know how they will get it all done, but, you know, it’s a mystery.

Marty is happy that the days are getting longer. I am happy the days are lighter. I am holding on to the days as both kids move on next year. Adam has chosen Roosevelt as his first choice. He can’t help but follow the drama trail. We think he’ll get in. He defaults back to Garfield APP if he doesn’t get in. He’s in good shape academically. It’ll be a trek to Roosevelt but it was a trek for Max to Vashon High School and he loved it. You have to let kids pick their own schools as they buy in and make it work.

Life is good. Bittersweet as these kids grow, but good in every way.

I forgot to mention our newest family member, Kramer. He is sweet and cute and brings joy. Did I mention he peed under the dining room table yesterday just because? We love him.  Happy spring.